Battle of the Butts

Battle of the Butts

Battle Date: 16th November 2008

Tonight’s battle is on the full map, with vehicles and capture points. CP was also scattered around the map (orange pieces) and 3+ CP was awarded for each capture. As well as all these fancy additions, I used an old camera to take these pictures and I am fully aware they suck. BACK OFF.

Oh, and this read is made up of highlights again, not a turn for turn commentary as, freak, these write-ups are tedious enough without more useless infomation.
Cool, so the contenders:
Andrew’s Vikings.

 

Justin chose the rebel alliance for some reason. At this point I think I should mention this is Justin’s first time and had the gist of the rules crammed down his neck in about 5 minutes. That’s what he gets for showing up to my house uninvited and finding two adult aged men playing with toys alone in a room together.

 

I went with Woodland Friends which is made up of ewoks and led by some naked old guy.

 
Each starting point was poorly chosen by each team, Me being boringly far away from the action, Andrew ramming his forces through a choke point and Justin was in an open area with no real direction.

 

First blood was a shell taken in the face by Justin’s rebel.

 

First vehicle spawn was the MX-Scout, bought by me to get in the middle of the fight. Andrew follows up with a Hailfire Droid after capturing lava mountain. Nothing else too interesting here, except you can plainly see I didn’t bring enough fire. Also pictured, a banana, chicken leg and starfish for “special rules”.

 

Andrew thought it was a good idea to cluster all his Vikings into a nice group to be slaughtered by Justin’s rocket trooper. The radius damage almost took out half his army, but they were saved due to their extra armour but mostly because of their lack of purpose.

 

Vikings, yeah, they’re cool, they’re just hangin’ out. I’m pretty sure they came to the battle for some reason, but for now their fascinated by the river of lava.

 

Now to the other end of the battlefield, and I’m also not sure what turn it is…

Andrew’s Hailfire Droid surprisingly didn’t take out the shield generator that I managed to capture, but it was sabotaged by my idiot ewoks who clearly didn’t know how to operate the control panel properly.

 

Justin’s rocket trooper takes down my scout ship while I went to get a drink. Jerk.

 

Bit more of an overview of the destruction. Justin captured the hill his rebel is standing on, and my old naked guy cap’ed the treehouse on the right.

 

Thoralf the Confused was not pleased with all the noise and flaming debris and decides it would be in everyone’s best interest to stab the nearest crotch. He does accordingly.

 

Thoralf is not the only hero getting some action, but Old Naked Guy uses his special ability ‘Dangly Parts’ to avoid assassination by Justin’s wayward rebel.

 

Thoralf finally dies and some dude shoots his foot off. Typical.

 

That Viking is blind, and I forget why, but the important thing is that he doesn’t know he’s about to fall in the lava.

 

My ewoks, quite pleased with their handy work, soon realise that the shield generator was the only thing protecting them from Andrew’s Hailfire Droid. Now forced to act, their first instinct was to scurry over the destruction toward said missile wielding death machine.

 

I donno, he fell.

 

But the Viking’s extra armour let him survive, carelessly frolicking in molten rock.

 

I was fed up with my ewoks dying for no reason, so I spawned the vehicle “Exploding mobile research lab”. One of my ewoks got in, drove it up to Luke Skywalker (who has done jack all the entire game) and exploded…in his FACE. The following picture demonstrates the amount of death that resulted.

 

A Rebel trooper made it up the tree to the Old Naked Guy but unfortunately was blinded by what he saw. He also fell off (and yes I’m aware that the photo below is especially blurry).

 

Not so tuff now, a Viking surprisingly dies after falling in lava.

 

Old Naked Guy got missle’d.

 

Time for another extra blurry photo, the aforementioned blind rebel manages to make it to an allied spider droid and hitches a ride. No more wandering around aimlessly for him.

 

Andrew, obviously running out of idea’s, is now trying to undermine my ewok’s skill with a long bow the only way he knows how…

 

…Okay, so Andrew’s Viking’s had no access to any hand weapons, but had a pile of CP. He could of bought a tank. Instead, he constructs a portal at the top of the tower (as he captured it earlier) and another next to his unit.

 

The Viking jumps off the tower and lands on my ewok, crushing him underneath his manly armour.

 

Andrew, not being content with having the upper hand, kamikaze’s his Hailfire into my last ewok.

 

Justin, unaware of what just happened in the last two and a half hours, finds himself the winner of a game he’s never played before. His final unit, the Spider Droid, crushed his beleaguered rider underfoot and was consequently the only one left standing.

 

Final view of the destruction.

 

For all you tacticians out there, a scribbly chart of the player’s maneuvers. Justin clearly outwitted us all with his quick thinking and risky endevours.